MORE Resolutions I am giving to others

Last year, I published this post. It is about telling others how they can make me better. After 365 days to think about it, I added a few more:

In the words of Tori Amos, “I have enough guilt to start my own religion.” Quite frankly, I am sick of it, so I am doing something about it. I have maternal guilt, professional guilt, child guilt, grandchild guilt, spousal guilt, charitable guilt and guilt about my guilt. Enough is enough. If I step back and take an arial view, I’m not doing such a bad job. The kids are fed and clean — for the most part. Work is going well — for the most part. My husband seems happy — for the most part. I do what I can for others, I call my grandmother once in a while, I cook my dad dinner when he’s in town. What is with the ugly guilt keeping me up at night? Why can’t I shake it? Realistically, I know I can’t do too much more. There are only so many hours in the day. So, why is Mr. Guilt always in my back pocket, and why doesn’t it seem to affect the men I know. I spent some time thinking about this nemesis today, because I was going to write a post about my resolution to feel less guilty. But, instead, I am going to be kinder to me. I am giving others some resolutions that will, in turn, lessen my guilt. That seems like a much easier way to go. Sorry, Michael Jackson, I am not looking at the man in the mirror — turning my attention outward.

1. To my kids – Pick up your socks, make your beds and generally, do what I tell you to do. If my kids were better kids, I’d be a better mother.

2. To my husband – Bring flowers, say thank you, give back rubs. If I felt appreciated at all moments, I’d worry less about the kind of wife I am.

3. To my extended family – Send me a short daily update of what is going on in your life, with a little box I can just click to acknowledge I’ve read it. Then, I will never feel badly I didn’t check in.

4. To the world in general – Stop broadcasting your ills. If I could close my eyes to need and live in my own little bubble, I would never have guilt about not doing enough.

5. To my guilt – I am only one. I can only do so much. Leave me alone and go hang out with your best friend, regret. And, when you see her, tell her to stay away from me too.

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6. To the people who only shop at Whole Foods — Really?!? Who even wants to live forever? Pesticides and hormones create character, and they are just so much cheaper.

7. To the person who invented airbrushing and photoshop — The common cold and cancer still needs to be cured … work on something that will make people feel better about themselves, instead of worse.

8. To the woman at the gym every day at 6am — My best dreams happen between 6 and 7 am. Your loss.

9. To Sheryl Sandberg — Step into the phone booth, break out the cape and admit you actually have super powers the rest of us mortals have no hope of ever attaining.

10. To the Kardashians — Keep up the good work! Reality TV’s best quality is its unfailing ability to make me feel really good about myself.