Be Mean to Your Sister

The bickering is driving me crazy. “Stop it!” “Get off of me!” “You are soooo annoying.” These words are like nails on a chalkboard. I have three girls, who, for the most part get along and enjoy spending time with one another. But, when they argue, my blood starts to boil. I wonder if I react more strongly to this than most. I grew up with three sisters, and we never fought, we hardly bickered. Everyone reminds me — siblings fight, it is completely normal. I know this to be true, yet, I still overreact. Help! I know it is not going to stop completely. How can I just let it go??

Rather than giving advice on how to help your kids get along, this week, I am telling you why you should let them fight.

1. I am non-confrontational to a fault. If I had some practice while I was growing up, I might be less timid about defending my opinion or position.

2. Our kids are over-scheduled, over-pressured and over-controlled. Home is where they can blow off some steam, in a safe environment. They didn’t yell out in class, they didn’t accost their teammate, they better not talk back to you. Having it out with a sibling can serve as a way to decompress. Unlike a friend, a sister or brother can’t just choose to end the relationship and in most circumstances, will be there for them no matter what.

3. A relationship with a brother or sister will likely be the longest relationship in a lifetime. If they can express feelings and work things out when they are mad about borrowed clothes or a broken toy, they will have a better chance of working things out when they have to make the tough decisions about what to do with the old version of you.

4. We are a generation of parents who live in fear of bullying. Our kids are bombarded with assemblies and programs about how to handle relationships with peers — what to say, what not to say, when to involve an adult, etc. We provide them with a manual, but never let them take a test drive. Sibling rivalry is like driver’s ed for disagreements.

5. Unless things turn violent, try not to get involved. It may just prolong the argument, albeit silently. Let them work some things out on their own. If you can’t stand to listen to it, make them take it outside. This is especially effective in the winter.