Starbucks Has Officially Crossed the Line

For someone who doesn’t like Starbucks, I’ve spent a fair share of money and time there. I accept it is part of our culture, but as a loyal tea drinker, I’ve never quite gotten the appeal. I’ll meet friends there because the parking is easy, but the lines are long, the service ranges from overenthusiastic, I suspect ecstasy is involved, to a condescending, you are lucky to even be here, attitude. The tea is terrible and overpriced, and frankly, if I am going to be handed an overflowing to-go cup with boiling water and a tea bag, I may as well save the four bucks and make it at home. At least at Dunkin Donuts, they add the milk for you.

Recently on a college road trip, my daughters and I were treated so terribly by the millennial behind the counter at a Virginia Starbucks, we all burst out laughing. It was so rude, it was funny. And, I swear, all Madelyn did to poke this bear was to politely ask what a certain very small, very expensive pastry was. Speaking of daughters, that’s another reason I take issue with the franchise. My teenage daughters and all their friends are hooked on the high sugar, high calorie beverages, and no matter how many times I insist they are throwing their babysitting money down the drain, they get giddy at the thought of a Starbucks’ run.

Despite all those personal complaints, when someone says, “Let’s meet at Starbucks,” I say, “Sure, what time?” Yesterday, after such a plan was made, I arrived, pleasantly surprised to find no line. It wasn’t too cold out, I had already had my caffeine for the day, and I was looking for something different. I glanced at the boards behind the counter where I remember the menu to be, but, alas, no menu, only an ad for a new very sugary, very caloric-y concoction. I looked around. No menu. I looked for a handheld one. No menu. I asked the two very nice people behind the counter, who responded in a patronizing tone, “We don’t have a menu. We have what we always have.”View Post

Uhhh, O.K. Wait. What?

“Well, if I don’t know what you always have, what am I supposed to do?” I am always intimidated ordering at a Starbucks, because I feel like I’m in a foreign country and everyone else knows the language. Without a cheat sheet, I am royally screwed.

They looked at each other in confusion and at me, the old bag who hadn’t bothered to memorize the Starbucks’ drink options by 2018, with slight annoyance.

“Well, I guess you could have a latte. We have vanilla, cinnamon …” The other employee chimes in with, “mocha?”

I didn’t want a latte! I didn’t even want coffee. So, do you know what I did?? I had a medium (I was corrected but I still don’t remember the corresponding size in Starbuckspeak) vanilla latte … because that’s what they told me to do! I hate myself for it.

How to Make a Healthy Cup of Coffee