For Your Entertainment…My 8 Hour Day Proctoring Exams

I’ll cut to the chase. I was given the opportunity to work at a high school for two days to proctor Regents exams. This is generally easy work, decent pay and a good way to wean yourself back into the school year. The school I worked at was very shorthanded and teachers had very little “relief” – so therefore most of us were in the same classroom proctoring two exams with no lunch break and in sweltering heat. I’m not complaining – I’m glad I did it. However, if you’re not familiar with the “rules” of proctoring, they are as such: you must ACTIVELY Proctor – no sitting around, no reading a book, can’t play on a phone, can’t use technology etc.You must walk the room for the entire three hours and actively watch the students work. Here is what was going on in my mind while doing so:

• Can it feasibly get any warmer in this room?
• That poor kid really needs deodorant
• I hope my deodorant is working!
• This socks and open sandals look is really big with these boys – I always remember making fun of my dad when he did it.
• Obviously the ripped jeans trend took off in this area – glad I didn’t wear mine! I would’ve looked like an idiot
• I think I can actually pass this exam if I had to…wait, I think I actually FAILED this in high school….Hey, I’m not in high school anymore, I’m an adult. I can figure this sh$# out
• Wow, look at that girl’s nails – OMG they are FIERCE. (I then look at my own naked nails) – Note to self- get a manicure asap
• Why is this boy wearing a fleece lined sweatshirt when it clearly reads 94 degrees in this room?
• They are going so slowly – they’re definitely going to go the whole three hours
• Oh boy, this kid is fast asleep. Should I poke him? No, I’ll get in trouble for “touching” a student. I’ll just stand over him and chant his name
• Are those two girls in the back talking? Don’t they know it is a cardinal sin to chat during a Regents exam? You can get disqualified!
• Oh, I hear Mr Softee -would love a Mr Softee cone right about now
• How many times can one Assistant Principal circle the building holding a walkie but  appear to be doing nothing?
• I wonder if I sweat any legit weight off today
• One hour and 15 minutes left of this 3 hour exam! Woohoo only 8 kids left. Looks like maybe we can get out early!
• I think I definitely walked 100,000 steps today
• They must think I’m so hideous   – all my makeup melted off and my hair is being held up with pencils
• One hour left. THANK GOD…Wait..WTH? This girl is on #52? OUT OF 82???? NOOO!
• I wonder how many coats of varnish are on these floors – they’re SO shiny. I can almost see myself!
• I wish I could rock this blue and green hair thing – my kids would make fun of me though
• I hope I remember all these things so I can write about them later. I wish I could write it down on paper, but we aren’t allowed to use paper so I would get fired it I got caught. Oh great, now I have to count on my memory!
• 6 kids left and she is now on #56! It is going to be me and her in the end. PLEASE HURRY GIRLIE, I’M SO BORED AND HOT!!!!
• I must have fabulous kidneys for a woman my age. I drank four bottles of water and only went to the bathroom once. Oh no, wait, maybe that’s a bad thing. Maybe I have BAD kidneys. I’ll have to WebMD this later
• I really hope the dog isn’t eating the couch. Or the cat. No, there’s a greater chance at Lucy eating the dog!
• This kid is moving so slowly. Poor thing. I feel bad. She’s gonna be screwed.
• Great. Now my GPS will take me home via the Van Wyck and we know what George Costanza says “Nobody has ever beat the Ban Wyck!” AWESOME.
• Test is over in TEN MINUTES. I think they know I’m getting excited. I am smiling too much. Gave them the ten minute warning, the eight minute warning and now the five minute warning. Think I sound too eager to get rid of them…
• OK, let me do the math one more time- How much do I get paid for this? Ok, right, that’s why you’re here. It’s ok you’re a mess – it is not a beauty contest. It is for the kids…But it’s too Flipping Hot!